Naru Hates Me!
by Chris Magician
Summary: A songfic using 'She Hates Me', by Puddle of Mudd. Dedicated to anti-Naru fans all over the world!


Magician's Note and Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina, blah dee blah. There, now on to the important thing---I am using the style of writing songfics established by Akal-Saris. This is NOT my style, but I wanted very much to use it for this because it's just too damn much fun to pass up. I repeat, this particular style was created by Akal-Saris, NOT me. I'm just borrowing it.

A second important thing to note here is that the song I'm using, _She Hates Me by Puddle of Mudd, contains some pretty rough lyrics. It's a very funny song, but I don't want to edit anything out, so please don't read this if it'll upset you. Now then, on with the show!_

                                                **Naru Hates Me!**

**                        A Love Hina Songfic by MagicianXV**

(_We see Keitaro on the roof of Hinata House. Down below is Naru, sitting on the back porch and talking with Kitsune. Keitaro stares down at her, then gets a gleam in his eye. He reaches off-camera and suddenly pulls out a guitar, which he begins to strum. The chords get rolling, and he starts to sing...)_

KEITARO: **Met a girl, thought she was grand...**

(_Su and Sara pop up and look curiously at Keitaro. He takes no notice of them and continues to sing.)_

KEITARO: **Fell in love, found out first hand...**

(_The girls giggle at the word 'love', but remain otherwise silent. Keitaro doesn't notice, but Naru and Kitsune have heard him singing and have gone inside.)_

KEITARO: **Went well for a week or two...then it all came unglued!**

(_Naru emerges onto the roof and watches him, a scowl beginning to form on her face. Su and Sara dive for cover. Keitaro sees Naru, who has apparently guessed with song he was singing. She dives forward and puts him in a headlock.)_

KEITARO: **In a trap, trip I can't grip!**

(_He manages to wriggle free of her grasp, but suddenly stumbles and ends up with his face between her breasts. What comes next needs no description.)_

KEITARO: **Never thought I'd be the one to slip! Then I started to realize...**

(_Naru winds up...)_

KEITARO: **I was living one big lie—**

(_POW!!!)_

KEITARO: **—She fuckin' hates me!**

(_Su and Sara pop up from behind the roof, both grinning as they watch Keitaro fly into the clouds.)_

SU AND SARA: **Trust!**

KEITARO: **She fuckin' hates me!**

SU AND SARA: **La la la la!**

( _Keitaro orbits the Earth a few times, then crashes back down to Hinata. This took a few hours, and Naru has gone to take a bath. Predictably enough, Keitaro lands directly on top of her.)_

KEITARO: **I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I had none—**

(_Naru flushes with rage**—)**_

KEITARO: **—and ripped them away!**

(_POW!!!)___

KEITARO: **She was queen for about an hour...**

(_He crashes back to the ground again, through the roof of Hinata House. As luck would have it, this places him neatly in Naru's lap.)_

KEITARO: (_Looking pretty nervous) **After**** that, shit got sour!**_

(_He runs for his life, Naru hot on his heels.)_

KEITARO: **She took all I ever had, no sign of guilt— (_he dodges as a few objects whip past and shatter against the wall) _****—no feeling of bad, no!**

(_Naru lunges like a panther and tackles Keitaro around the waist. He falls on his face and skids to a stop.)_

KEITARO: **In a trap, trip I can't grip! **

(_Naru sits on his back, seething with unjustified rage.) _

KEITARO: **Never thought I'd be the one to slip!**

(_Naru climbs off, tosses Keitaro into the air, and winds up for a big one...)_

KEITARO: **Then I started to realize, I was living one big lie—**

(_POW!!!)_

KEITARO:** She fuckin' hates me!**

(_Su and Sara lean out from a doorway; they have dragged Shinobu, who looks rather distressed, along with them.)_

SU, SARA, AND SHINOBU: **Trust!**

KEITARO: **She fuckin' hates me!**

SU, SARA, AND SHINOBU: **La la la la!**

(_Keitaro flies though the roof again, looking dejected by the whole routine. He is still strumming his guitar as he spirals up.)_

KEITARO: **I tried too hard, and she tore my feelings like I had none—and ripped them away!**

(_He eventually lands on the roof again, in almost exactly the same position as he started from. Unfortunately for Naru, she was sitting there when he landed, and ends up very unconscious.)_

KEITARO: **That's my story, as you see...**

(_He looks down at Naru, grins guiltily, and points at her.)_

KEITARO: **Learned my lesson and so did she! Now it's over, and I'm glad...**

(_Naru awakens and realizes that Keitaro is sitting on her. She leaps to her feet and starts to froth at the mouth. Keitaro backs up fearfully.)_

KEITARO: **'Cause I'm a fool, for all I've said—she fuckin' hates me!**

(_He runs like crazy as Naru starts hurling ceramic roof shingles at him. The girls poke their heads nervously above the other side of the roof.)_

SU, SARA, AND SHINOBU: **Trust!**

KEITARO: **She fuckin' hates me!**

(_Naru gives up on the tiles. She suddenly spots the girls singing back up, seizes Su and Sara, and throws them at Keitaro instead. __Shinobu has wisely decided to make herself scarce.)_

SU AND SARA: **La la la la!**

(_They smash into Keitaro and fly off the roof, landing in a heap at the bottom of the hot spring. Keitaro continues to play his somewhat battered guitar under the water.)_

KEITARO: **I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I had none, and ripped them away!**

SU AND SARA:** (_Struggling for enough breath to sing their part) _****La la la la la la la la la!**

(_Shinobu emerges from the house, trailing Kitsune and Motoko.)_

SHINOBU, KITSUNE, AND MOTOKO: **Trust!**

(_Keitaro and the girls pop up from under the water. Naru watches from the roof and rolls her eyes as the rest of the residents sing away.)_

SU AND SARA:** La la la la la la la la la!**

(_Keitaro holds his guitar above his head, then smashes it into the ground, a la The Who.)_

KEITARO: (_Triumphantly) **She**** fuckin' HATES me!!!**_

(_The shattered pieces of his guitar manage to trail off the notes until they're completely gone. Keitaro watches Naru leave, sighs, then shrugs.)_

KEITARO: **I never got any action anyways!**

(_Everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE__, sweatdrops.)_

Magician's Note: I have a bad feeling that that was terribly lame, but you have to admit, it's a great song for Love Hina. If anybody wants to spot me some DVDs, I think I could even make a pretty good video for it. Anybody? Anybody at all?

...Ah, whatever. Peace!


End file.
